Our 11th anniversary was at the end of May and for the first time in four years, I didn’t write a post about it. I know I’ve been getting lazy online so maybe that’s the reason. This has been a crazy year, a lot of fucked up shit went down and if I’m honest, my head can’t take much more shit. Of course, it’s stuff like not making a big deal about our anniversary that’s keeping me in hot water. It could also be that over the past several months I’ve adopted a new attitude, one that I thought would be pretty healthy but seems to be giving me a false sense of freedom.. I decided to stop looking back. I was always up in the air about the difference between learning from the past and holding on to it. I decided that life will always be a challenge and there’s no sport in what already happened- tomorrow is the big game. Everyday.
But enough with the amateur psychology.
We didn’t do a whole lot on that day. We both agreed that considering all the shit that went down and that we were trying to hold on to some money for OBX that we would go easy on the gifts. We ended up going downtown for the day. She bought a couple things on Walnut Street and we ate at Monks. It was pretty good day.. even though it’s one of those days that’s really only about the woman, like Valentine’s Day ya know? Dude’s never get “gifts” on those days- maybe the cliche sexual favor but never what we’re expected to give on those days. This year was different, this year she noticed the amount of hard work I’ve been doing and bought me a massage. At first I thought she was passing on the sexual favor but it was actually just a massage.
I know, I say that lightly here, but the fact is, it ruled. Fully.
I’m not the kind of dude that gets nervous walking into a place like Heaven Spa, ya know? Fuck, I shop! Not only do I shop, I make the sales people bring me clothes while I’m in the changing rooms so needless to say, Heaven Spa is child’s play to me. I got there right on time and there was no wait at all. The girl at the counter asked me my shoe size, a little confused thinking that maybe this is one of those places, I said, “11″. She handed me a pair of slides, walked me back to the changing room, told me to strip down and put on one of the robes. It went just that quick.. I was still kinda looking around, I’d never been there before and I missed some of what she said.. she continued with, “just go down to the end of the hall to the waiting room and Jasmine will come and get you.” With that, she closed the changing room door. I looked at the robe, checked out the little locker they give you, thinking how wrinkly my Diesels are gonna get in there.. then it hit me, Jasmine?? Is this a strip joint or some shit? As I was stripping down I came to another realization, I don’t wear underwear- fuck, did she say “down to your underwear”? How fucked up would that be? And where is the waiting room? And what the fuck, Jasmine??
I put the robe on, over my completely naked self and walked down the hallway, the dark hallway I might add, hoping I was going in the right direction. I came to the end of the hallway and there was the waiting room; low lit, coffee and tea, big soft couches and five other people in robes. I walked past all of them, grabbed a magazine, sat on one of the love seats, took a quick scan to make sure none of these weirdos were looking up my robe and proceeded to wait for Jasmine. After only about ten minutes, Jasmine called me in. She was a short, heavy, not very attractive woman with a deep voice. I was a little scared. We get into the room and she starts to tell me to disrobe, get on the table and cover myself with the sheet- all I heard was “disrobe and lay on the table”. Before I made a fool of myself, I confirmed: “Disrobe and lay on the table? I have to honest, I don’t wear shorts so, I’m all, umm.. you know..” She’s all, “That’s alright, as I said, you’re gonna lie on the table, face down and cover yourself with the sheet.. Don’t be nervous, honey, I won’t hurt you. I’ll be right back.”
She came back in and I was on the table, covered. She started to tell me how it was gonna go.. she was gonna start by putting the hot stones at certain points of my body then massage out all the tension and bla, bla, bla. At first, the stones were pretty hot but after a while, you get used to it.. sortof like getting ink. As I’m lying there fully digging the stones I remember my sister in law telling me about Toppers massage salon downtown and how they tell you right up front that there are areas of your body they’re not gonna massage.. I think you know what I’m saying. So I’m feeling pretty confident that she’s not gonna get anywhere near the goods. Not to mention, I’m face down- the worst thing I would have to deal with is standing up and by then, she would probably be leaving the room. She started the massage at my feet, then my calf moving the sheet away from where she’s working then putting it back as she goes along. Then she got to the back of my thighs, one side at a time.. this where I realized that Heaven Spa doesn’t seem to have the same policy as Toppers.. she kept getting closer and closer with every movement and needless to say, I was fighting a reaction. As she got within about a 1/2″ of the goods, she started to move back down my legs. I relaxed and figured all would be fine. She continued with my back and shoulders.. it was amazing. Then she told me to turn over..
Now we have a problem.
Look, I’m no porn star but I’ve got more than the average dude.. it’s kinda hard to conceal that fact under the sheet they have you use, you know what I’m sayin? She repeated the entire massage, starting with the stones. I fully relaxed and so did little tesco. All was well until she got to my thighs again, once again getting very close. My little man decided it was one of those places and started waking up! I started thinking of every nasty, fucked up thing I could.. I’m trying everything to keep him down but she just kept massaging, and kept getting closer, even closer than last time. Before I knew it, I had a partial. I peeked down and noticed the bump in the sheet- there’s no way she couldn’t see that.. she moved to the other leg and rather than fully relaxing, I was way stressing- I knew there was gonna be serious movement if she gets that close again. First my foot, then the calf, over my knee then slowly up my thigh.. I swear, I was sweating at this point. Little by little, closer and closer she massaged my thigh until she was right up on the little bastard.. she had to feel the temperature change- then it happened- MOVEMENT! FULLY! I was all, oh no! She HAD to see that! I clenched my fists and brought out the big guns, I imagined my grandma doing the things I know my wife does when I’m not home.. and it worked. She continued the massage over my stomach, chest and shoulders with me now fully relaxed, including little tesco.
When all was done she allowed me the privacy to get the robe back on and head to the changing room. I came out of the changing room and she was there with some lemon water:
Jasmine: Thanks for coming in, I hope you enjoyed your massage. If you come back, remember, I’m Jasmine. I hope to see you again.
tesco: Wait, that’s it? Don’t leave me now.. Will I ever see you again? I thought we had something special together?
The Kids on the Street